This guest post is from my friend Jessica Cohen from Found the Marbles. It had me giggling. If you don’t like sarcastic humor, then skip this entirely. She sure changed her uncomfortable flight into a post that others (I am sure) can laugh with and relate to!
Recently our family flew from Philadelphia to Orlando for vacation. On the way to the airport my husband and I talked to the kids briefly about airplane etiquette, a simple reminder of being respectful and quiet so they do not disrupt the other passengers.
Then we got to the gate. Right in front of us what the family ever passenger dreads. Let’s just say that there was no need to talk to our kids about what not to do after all, because they got to see it first hand from the family three rows in front of us. There were two families, each with a corresponding set of grandparents.
In case you were wondering, the following is a description of what NOT to do with your child on an airplane. If you recognize yourself in any of the following, please, I beg of you, do not fly on an airplane with others.
- Allow your child to decide who will sit in which seat. Wait patiently and block the other passengers while she decides from your entire crew of twelve who will sit where. When you have finally given in to her preferences and settled into your re-assigned seats, succumb to her again when she changes her mind.
- Put her two year old brother in a seat up front by himself because his ticket says that is where he should be seated and the seat assignor (see above) has agreed. Then, instead of asking a passenger to change or ask the staff for assistance, state clearly how you are going to be writing a letter to the airline about their mistake.
- Let your child scream, “We’re Flyyyyyying!!” every fifteen seconds for the first five minutes after takeoff.
- Blatantly ignore the rest of the passengers who are saying, “Shhhhh” at a decibel level that is very obviously meant for you and your loud child. Instead, continue to think that it is the most adorable thing ever when she is the only one screaming on an airplane full of people with eardrums.
- When she is finally quiet for a few consecutive minutes, give her a DVD to watch without headphones and make sure to have the volume turned all the way up.
- Be sure to have your mother (who also has the loud gene) get out of her seat to take snapshots of your little darling on her first airplane ride. (And speaking of Loud Grandma, let your mini seat dictator place her as far away as possible so she has to yell to your daughter several times during the trip.)
- If there is a brief period when your child is not disrupting the entire plane, get up and switch seats with your spouse, causing her to rewind back into a full on tantrum.
- Lastly, do not think twice about the fact that there are dozens of families with young children on the flight yet there is only one voice that is audible to everyone for two and a half hours.
And there you have it, folks. What not to do with your child on an airplane. Any questions?