My favorite feature has always been my smile. Even though I acted like I hated having my picture taken I would smile HUGE for the camera every time.
This month marks one of the longest and hardest years my smile has had to endure. Last year at the end of July I found out I was pregnant and ran out the door smiling as big as I could. Then, a cold sore erupted on my face in the end of August and I started to loose my ability to smile. I was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy and given strict orders to rest and take care of my non- shutting left eye. They couldn’t do anything else because I was pregnant. I didn’t smile much during that first trimester.
I know someone else that had dealt with Bell’s Palsy when they were 21. It threw this person into a 2 week long depression. Paralyzing half of your face really messes with your mind! This phone shows the extent of the damage at the time. I was smiling as big as possible….that was hard to deal with. My smile was only halfway present.
I didn’t fall into depression though because Lizzie kept me laughing. We made taping our eyes shut part of our nightly routine. I would reach for the medical tape and Lizzie would point to her eye, giggling. I’d take a small piece and put it on her cheek and then she’d point to my eye and say “mama eye!” It warmed my heart to know that I wasn’t the ugly scary beast I imagined – my 15 month old wasn’t frightened of me!
Slowly, the healing came. At first the noises weren’t ear piercingly loud on my left side. Then I started being able to taste food on my tongue. The final evidence of healing was when I was able to whistle after David was born!
The Lord answered my deepest prayer. I prayed fervently that my baby boy would see a smiling mother looking down on him – and one with a complete smile. I didn’t want his first sight of me to resemble Quasimodo. And it didn’t.
I still have a tiny bit of synkinesis that I will always have to deal with. Here are two photos- before BP and after. Only a trained eye such as my own can tell the difference, and I am so thankful for that. But I can tell a difference. I must remind myself that I am the only one…I just look so different…it is almost unnerving at times. If I pose with my left side (the affected side) toward the camera it is a lot more noticeable. So I really do have a “bad side!”
I’ll bet that entire paragraph you were wondering what in the world synkinesis is…. and did you google bell’s palsy yet?
Here is a super quick definition: Bell’s Palsy is when the 7th cranial nerves swell (they are the nerves that affect the eye, mouth, cheek and ear). When the nerves swell against the bone they can’t work – signals from the brain don’t get back and forth and the face becomes paralyzed. Causes? unknown…but pregnancy and viruses like herpes (my cold sore) are thought to be likely.
BP can last a month or up to a year (for me it was the entire pregnancy!)
What is synkinesis? It is when new nerve twigs regrow and affect areas they wouldn’t normally stimulate. In my case, when I close my eyes the left corner of my mouth twitches & when I whistle my left eye closes. This is so annoying……can they fix it? maybe with surgery, but I’d rather just deal with it. It is more annoying than anything and I am the only one that notices anyways.
In spite of my different smile – I’ll grin from ear to ear. I’ll catch myself staring at my lopsided eyes once in awhile, but I shake it off. My smile might be different now, but at least I don’t have to tape my eye shut at night anymore!
Sorry you had to endure that, Annie! It never ceases to amaze me what bizzaro things can arise when one is pregnant.
Well, I think you have a beautiful smile..before & after!
ADORABLE picture of you and your daughter by the way.
This is my first time learning of Bell's Palsy. Thanks for explaining and sharing.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, but it just makes me smile how your husband adore you and your baby so sweet. Gosh.
You have such a gorgeous smile and I'm trying so hard to see the difference and can't.
I hope as time goes by the little leftovers will fade away too.
Annie, you are truly beautiful! Inside and out. Nothing, not even Bell's Palsy, could hide the beauty and kindness of your spirit that shines through when you smile! We've had the honor to watch you endure with grace. God is SO GOOD! Keep on smilin' girl!!!
What a sweet post! I love that you kept smiling anyway…you didn't let anyone steel your joy even in the midst of pain.
My friend developed Bells Palsey after the birth of her son. It took about a year for her to recover. You both have amazing testimonies!
Your smile was beautiful in all the pictures, because you were full of joy and love. No wonder those beautiful babies think they have a beautiful mom!!
Wow…I've never heard of that before – but thanks so much for sharing! I can definitely imagine how tough it would be to have something like that…but no matter what I still think you are beautiful. 🙂
I'm sorry you had to go through that! I am so glad you are able to smile fully now, such a sweet smile 🙂
I had BP for several weeks when I was 5. I had it right after a bad case of chicken pox. I remember the eye taping!
A chiropractor I worked with, his wife had BP right after they got married (she was in her 20s) and he was able to do special adjustments to help her get back to 'normal' fairly quickly. Did you happen to see a chiropractor or even heard that they could help BP?
Thanks so much for sharing! I have always thought you had a beautiful simile, but now I know there is so much more behind that smile that has a rich story. Thanks for sharing.
I too suffered a bout with Bell's Palsy just over 4 years ago. It was horrible. The worst was not knowing if it would EVER go away. The worst of it lasted about 4-5 weeks and then within 4 days, I had about 75% recovery. But it took almost an entire year for all the symptoms to disappear – my ear was the worst. Even today, my face is still a little lopsided when I smile and especially when I yawn althought if I didn't point it out, you probably wouldn't notice.
I think my bout was caused by a cold sore as well – I get them often and every time I do, I hold my breath and simply hope it doesn't manifest into another bout of BP.