When it comes to parenting, do you do cry it out? Or do you baby wear and co-sleep? Or maybe a little bit of both?
Nothing brings a mother more peace than to watch her child sleep blissfully upon her breast. I coined that just now. It is one of my sources of peace – nap time. Bed time. Well, it used to be. Until the “I am going to fight sleep” stage occurred.
I am one of the biggest attachment parenting advocates you will ever meet. With Lizzie, we refused to do cry it out and she is still sleeping in our bed. I believe down in my heart that the entire philosophy of attachment parenting is to trust a mother’s instincts and raise your children in a harmonious household according to each individual child’s personality and development. Lizzie needed so much more of mommy than David does at her same age. She was nursing constantly and if I’d had a mei tai she would have been in it. David shocks me every time he plays happily on the floor without me – something Lizzie hardly ever did at 10 months old. Or 2 years old.
But one thing they both have in common – needing me to help them sleep. I don’t mind the nursing to sleep. It is a special time for us to bond and unwind from the day. But lately David has been getting full after nursing and throwing a huge fit afterwards. I took him to the doctor today and she said he is a very healthy boy. So it must be emotional. After I was done nursing him and all my mommy comfort wouldn’t soothe him I gave him to someone else. Eventually he came back to me. He slept fine if I was holding him, but the minute I put him down, Bam! You’d think I cut his arm off or something!
So I am seemingly left with no other option but to let him have his cry. I tried to hold, cuddle, nurse and sing to him. When all of that failed I put him in the crib (where he was safe) and let him wear himself out. I was on edge the entire time. He would reach for me, wailing incessantly. Thankfully I stood my ground and he fell asleep after 15 minutes of crying. He slept for about an hour and woke up again. That is when I nursed him and now he is in bed.
I want David to be able to fall asleep in his crib. The night routine should be: Bath, brush teeth, pajamas, pray, nurse, crib. Then when he wakes up in the middle of the night he will most likely end up in bed with us again. A mama has to sleep and I am just not ready to deal with night weaning yet. I can’t remember if he wakes up in the middle of the night to nurse or not.. I really can’t. I like sleeping through that part.
So every nap time will be a learning experience for him. As will bed time. Soon he will learn that the crib is a fun place to sleep and if he sleeps there he will eventually end up in mom’s bed anyways.
We never had our girl sleep in our bed, and we try at 16 months to get her to lay back down with us on saturday or sunday morning post morning nurse and she wants nothing of it. She wants her crib, end of story, thank you very much. Shrug. Do what you want. She has been a really good night sleeper (til between 4 and 6 am) since 2 months old and although we had a tricky spot a couple of months ago, where 4 am was standard, an extra diaper booster and ignoring her for 2 nights did the trick. (knock wood!) We have used a binky with her, and that seems to have replaced the nursing to sleep perhaps? Although now it is for bed only (unless she sneaks in and grabs it, I’ve had to put it up higher!) and has been for a while now. We did let her ‘cry it out’ some when she was a smaller baby. Went in and comforted her, but didn’t pick her up. Kind of a partial ferberizing. That’s what seemed to work for us. Our womb sounds bear is also a godsend, very soothing as is the lullaby music we play for her. Kind of helps them get over the hump of being alone, to have soothing sounds around them. Good luck. I will say that if ours just makes noise, anymore, we ignore it. If it becomes full on sobs where she is choking, we go and comfort her. She does well on her own for the most part now, though..also, she doesn’t have a defined schedule, I put her in bed when she looks tired and acts tired, so.. consider that aspect as well. You may need to push your naps back a bit later in the day to get a real zonk!
Thank you Jill! Yes, the whole co sleeping thing…..I don’t know if we will do it for the next child or not. It sure makes night time nursing easier, that is for sure. And after having a C-Section I really didn’t want to get out of bed. But then there comes a time when I don’t want the baby in our bed anymore….I think I am done having kids, 2 is enough. But if we have more we will have to think about an arm’s reach cosleeper for sure.
I wish my kids would take a pacifier! David did for a tiny bit when he was 3 months old, but after a while he flat out refused it.
And about the naps – yesterday David took a total of one 1 hour nap. That is all, and that was around 1pm. I know other babies his age take a 1 hour morning nap and a 2 hour afternoon nap. So I thought that by keeping him awake from 2pm to bedtime he’d really sleep well. But he fought it like the dickens! Baffles me why a baby will be so tired and not just give in and sleep.
Oh, I have written about this several times! Try:
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.
It really helped us! We still use it and Ethan is 14 months and sleeping through the night for the past few weeks. It’s so worth it, for both you AND him. Babies need sleep and so do mommies:)
Good Luck!
We didn’t cosleep with either of ours.
With the first, I often nursed her to sleep or rocked her. It was so hard to break that habit.
With the second, I laid her down awake. She is a really good sleeper and hardly ever cries at night. She is also good at getting herself back to sleep.
Crying is a natural thing, in my opinion for babies. It is how they express themselves. I imagine you will be a lot better rested and so will David. Just my 2 cents for what it’s worth.
I co slept with all three of mine for about six weeks because it was easier for breast feeding. But I don’t have a lot of discipline so they went to the cribs and a bottle. BUT the best advice I was ever given – “Do what you feel is right. It’s your child and you are the mother.” So all I can say that if you feel what you are doing is right than it probably is! I admire you Annie you are super awesome!
Your post sounds a lot like where I’m at. Nathaniel (my firstborn) is nearing 4 months now, and is in the throes of teething. He used to be such a easy baby, but now he’s fussy frequently and can’t sleep for more than 10-15 minutes during the day…. unless he is being held. He’s usually fine at night (bassinet next to bed, nursing once or twice {i think!} during the night… sometimes ends up in bed).
If he wasn’t teething, I would try to wean him out of needing to be held, but he’s needing the comfort to get through this time, poor guy.
But be careful with the “cry it out” though… sounds like you will be, but want to caution your readers — too much crying-it-out can injure the brain (through increased blood pressure and decreased oxygen).
Thank you Mary! My David used to be such a good sleeper. I think he is teething too. An update for you: I tried CIO at naptime but after an hour I couldn’t handle it anymore. I held him, he smiled and we both layed down in bed and he nursed to sleep. We both took an hour long and MUCH needed nap. Tonight for bed time I laid down and nursed him to sleep. He slept from 9pm-12am and then woke, nursed a bit and is back asleep. Until I have a time when I don’t have to watch my friend’s two boys (both under the age of 4) I don’t think I can really stick to CIO without losing my energy and sanity.
I am going to post an update soon. My thoughts are swirling on this topic.
we don’t do cry it out either. I practice AP too. But we had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes B just doesn’t want to go to sleep and he’s keeping himself awake. We really had to pay attention to what his cry sounded like. If he really sounded in distress or if he’s been up whining, moaning, cry in his crib longer that like 20 minutes then we went to get him, but usually he’ll just put himself to sleep.
Sometimes in the middle of the night he’d wake up too, but if i didn’t go in there right away, he’d fall back to sleep in the 30 seconds. I really don’t let him cry more that 15-20 minutes because after that he works himself up and can’t get back to sleep. it’s your own instinct.
B did have some teething troubles and fever these last few days and he was up and down alot. he ended up sleeping with us pretty much all weekend. Last night was the first night in 6 nights that he was in the crib all night. he did wake up once but I rubbed his back and shushed him and he fell back to sleep.
My son is only 4 weeks old but he’s been sleeping in my room or in my bed for the most part. I’m nervous that this will start a habit I can’t break (my ten year old brother still tries to sleep with my parents sometimes) and always sleeps there if my Mom is at work (she works nights as a nurse). Right now it’s just so much easier since I’m nursing him! I hope it gets easier for you when it comes to putting David down!
Hang in there! I feel your pain. At 18 months, we still have issues with Tate. We tried CIO, but he throws up. He’s also stubborn and after 2 hours, he still wouldn’t budge an inch. It probably didn’t help that I went in every 5 minutes to try to soothe him without picking him up. 🙂
Since he had reflux so bad as an infant and I refused to put him on medication for it, he got used to falling asleep with someone (usually me) holding him. With my husband’s work schedule, every 4 months he’s on nights for 4 months, Tate got used to me doing bed time and now he doesn’t want anyone except Mommy at night.
He’s getting to where he will fall asleep in our bed, but I lay with him. Before we go to bed, I move him to his bed and usually, he ends up back in our bed before the night is over.
Good luck Annie!
PS You don’t think I could comment today without saying, “Rock Chalk Jayhawk!” 🙂 The Sunflower Showdown should be a great game!
We did let our first two cry it out for one night. That’s all it took thankfully! My kids have always been sleepers.