As I become more active online and join multiple message boards or read my twitter stream I am shocked and a bit dismayed at the public perception of La Leche League.
In fact, I have to admit that until I actually went to my first meeting I had no idea what to expect and was a bit nervous. I was afraid that it was a meeting where all the mothers sat in rocking chairs and nursed their babies all at the same time and I was not sure how comfortable I’d be with all those boobs and nipples in plain view.
Other misconceptions I have come across: Leche League mamas are crazy hippy lunatics that will burn you at the stake if you tell a mom that formula is just as good or better than breastfeeding.
Or take this tweet I received when I asked what people thought of LLL:
judgmental angry woman with unshaven armpits.
Then I got a few others that did not shock me in the least, but they did make me very concerned for how people are affecting how the public perceives a very helpful organization:
The members I knew IRL seemed upset that I cover while NIP
I think LLL is an awesome idea. But many of it’s members think that ALL moms can nurse – SO not true. I couldn’t.
I know that all organizations will get stereotyped by the loudest, most obnoxious members of the group. La Leche League is no different. I want to write a quick post to give a clear image of what they are, and I will be honest. There are some real stinkers in the bunch.
La Leche League is a breastfeeding support group. According to their website their mission is “to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother.”
So moms that have experienced the joys and hardships of breastfeeding go through vigorous and thorough training and education to be able to help other moms. The entire goal of setting it up like this was to provide a safe place where friendships can be made with other moms and education can be given at the same time. A La Leche League Leader ought to be knowledgeable, compassionate and ready to help in whatever way she can.
When you attend a meeting, this is more than likely what you will see: a group of moms sitting in a room talking. Some with children, some without. They are all talking, chit chatting, “how is your baby sleeping at night? Emma wakes up 3 times!” and so forth. Then a leader will start the meeting with some helpful info about, for example, how to tell if your baby is getting enough milk in the early months. She will leave it open for discussion or ask if anyone has any personal experiences or questions they would like to share. Someone might offer an opinion that does not coincide with LLL philosophy and the leader will pipe in to say, “Thank you for sharing that. It is not LLL philosophy…” and redirect to another question. Mothers leave with questions answered, and if not, there is a library of books they can borrow from or they set up another meeting with a leader to further discuss the issue.
Those crazy hippies!
So it isn’t what goes on during the meetings that gets people’s all annoyed with them. It is obviously what happens outside. When you are a member or leader of an organization what you say affects the public’s image of it. I was told this when I was in high school. So if a LLL member is chatting with a table full of gal pals and says, “I am so annoyed with moms using the excuse ‘I don’t product enough milk’ so they give up and choose formula too fast,” that horrible statement reflects back on LLL.
I just want to set the record straight. La Leche League has a majority of caring, fun, and accepting moms. They are not lactivists – it is against LLL philosophy to get involved with policy making in any form – they do not even endorse nurse ins. They are only there to help moms who ask for it. Period.
I have never been to an LLL meeting in my life in person. I did go on their forum. It as nice. But there is a TON of Drama there and their is one big main huge clique. Seriously. There is a ton of great information there and that you can get from the ladies, but I recommend just reading the threads and posts and not actually talking to them. They are a little crazy sometimes lol.
But they helped me stop pumping for Hunter when he was a teeny tiny baby because we haed trouble nursing at the start. I was afraid they were going to take him away, and I was in pain on my bottom from the stitches. Well I stopped pumping at a few days before his month checkup. Never looked back. I also knew to stand up for myself and roll my eyes at the dr when she said I should supplement him so we knew how much he was getting since he didn’t gain that much. But that’s my Hunter, he’s a slow gainer. He was around 16lbs at a year? But he was walking and fit as ever.
OMG Annie. Can you stop it with the things I relate too. I’m going off on tangents.
I loved this comment – not a tangent at all! And thank you for sharing your experience with their message boards. I know that lots of message boards have “cliques” and it is sad that this one does too. Glad you found the information helpful though! The LLL website is easy to search and has tons of info.
Glad to hear you got so much help from the website too. I knew a mom that was worried about her daughter gaining and switched to formula. Turned out she just had a small kid!
Thank you for sharing your experience Alison!
I called a leader/helper type person after reading the forums and she was very encouraging. The only thing that was an issue was that of course, she had her own family she was dealing with, trying to get her husband to help her at the same time as talking to me, etc. I could ignore that, though. I had to. It sounded a bit like she was reading from a script, but her personal things (like telling me you could train your boobs to do anything, for example, she with one of her kids used one side for night and one side for day) — made me feel like there was hope. I think it helps that it was a stranger. My mom tried helping and I just couldn’t do anything but sob uncontrollably. She’d never had a jaundiced preemie who couldn’t nurse because she was so lethargic –thus causing more jaundice and more lethargy and more troubles nursing. I felt judged, whether she was doing it or not. An impartial person on the phone was just what I needed at the time.
Yes, since the leaders are all volunteers – albeit very well trained volunteers – they take calls anytime they are awake. This often means they might have to ask you to hold on a second while they distract the children with colors so they can listen to you, or they might have to call you back after giving them snacks 🙂
I have called in a few times and agree, speaking with a stranger can be so much more comforting than someone you know. Thank you for sharing your experience Jill, and I am glad it was a positive one!
i have heard people think its women who nurse their “children” tell they are Way too old…. but… yes LL is great!! i wouldn’t have made it w/o them.
Great post Annie! There are always extremists in every group!Glad you have found them so helpful!
My mom was in a LLL group back way back in the day. And she loved it and told me how much I’d love a group- but that was before you could find moms’ groups at meet-up or other sites like that or before groups like MOPS. It was only a tiny bit about nursing.
And there are probably still great groups like that around, but unfortunately, I had an awful experience with one. I nursed all three of my kids. Even tandem nursed my oldest 2 who were born close together. Nursed past a year, nursed in public, the whole thing. So, I’m definitely a supporter.
But, the group I tried was a little crazy, saying that you might as well put soda in your child’s bottle if you give them formula and how it’s our duty as moms to bf. How breastmilk is the miracle cure and one mom pumped some and used a dropper full in her older son’s pinkeye and how it was cured within hours.
It was just a little much for me. But, I do know that it had a lot to do with the leader and the ladies who happened to me there and not reflective of all LLL groups.
But, it was enough for me not to ever go back. LOL
And now…I’ve written a book! Or at least something I could have turned into a post in itself!
LOL Shell! I knew this topic would hit people personally, and I fully expected longer comments 🙂 As you can see they are all pretty much as long as yours.
Yes, every group is different. My group is so informal and they all try extra hard to not say anything that involves personal biases. If someone says something like the pink eye example (I have heard that too) my leader will pipe up and say, “I am glad you had that experience. Breastmilk has many curative properties” and move to another topic. She isn’t perfect, but she is one of the best!
I am not shocked about the soda comment. Some people let their comments fly so flippantly without regards to the feelings of others. People like that inspire this post! Watch what you say people!
Here’s my experience: My mother was an LLL Leader way back when I was a kid. The mothers in her group were all wonderful, kind, helpful women who honestly wanted to help women try to breastfeed. My mother took calls at all hours of the day and often visited hospitals and women at home.
When I had my first daughter, I decided to join my local LLL group. They were amazing. I made a lot of friends that I have to this day. Although I was comfortable with BF I still feel like I got a lot of support and frienship.
That said, when my 2nd daughter was born, I chose to go back to the meetings. Hated it! The new “crop” of women were NOT friends, NOT very nice and I felt totally left out.
By the time I had my 3rd daughter, I had cut all ties with my local LLL.
Your experience with LLL totally depends on the Leader of the group and the women who join. You may get a great, supportive, caring group of women or you get crap.
Carolyn, you summed it up so well: “You may get a great, supportive, caring group of women or you get crap.”
I am really hoping other LLL members will read this and realize how they hurt the entire organization by letting their personal biases out and be less excluding of others. That is not what a support group is about!
I have never been to a LLL meeting. I had a group of moms I reached out to when I had trouble breast feeding after a reduction. (I have extended nursed 3 kids, I’m on day 4 of weaning my 18 month old right now.)
I think if more people who say they can’t nurse would reach out to them, they’d find that with some work they can. I know there truly are people who can’t nurse, medication, a physical problem, what have you, but if I can get it going after going from a 58 G to a 36 B, having that much breast tissue cut out, I truly believe that a lot of people can. It took a lot of work, a lot of persistence, and I had to supplement in the beginning with formula, but I got to the point at about 2 months with each kid when I no longer needed to supplement. I wish more people knew that LLL could really help them if they have an issue like that, if they truly want to nurse, they may be able to give something at least.
There’s my book. LOL
Great post!
Thank you for sharing your story Heather. I have only read in textbooks how difficult breastfeeding after a reduction can be, but you did it, three times!
For me, LLL has been women that listen to me and support me. I had to call LLL when I was in the hospital with David and my colostrum was not making him pee or poop. I called crying, asking if it was ok that I give him a few drops of formula at my breast to give him something to help pass what he needed to. She was so understanding and said yes, follow your instincts, you are a good mama. I needed to hear that! LLL can be helpful.
Thank you for your story!
I don’t have much experience with LLL at all, I was thinking about going to a meeting when I get back to VA mainly to meet some other Moms.
I can see why they get a bad rap. I see it on Twitter all the time lactivisits going pretty much crazy over formula feeding and sometimes they can get down right demeaning towards other mothers.
The way you’re describing LLL it seems like they understand how detrimental lactivists can be to the breastfeeding in general…My Aunt called a LLL volunteer once and the women pretty much told her if she can’t get her son to latch then something must be wrong with her/she wasn’t trying hard enough which made my Aunt so upset that she decided NOT to breastfeed.
It’s great to be an advocate for breastfeeding but you can’t turn people off who are skeptical by being abrasive, judgmental and overly in your face!
Christa, it frustrates me when I hear stories like your aunt’s. It happens too often and there is little I can do to change it since it happens a lot more than it should.
What you and others can do is go online and find the contact number for another group leader and ask for a second opinion. Say, “I am ready to give up. The first leader made me feel so angry” and more often than not this leader will be more understanding.
Great post! Thanks for sharing. I am related to one of those extreme LLL members so she turned me off to going to the group. I think it really couldve helped me during my difficult time of nursing. Maybe for the next one…they seem rather normal 🙂