Time for some therapeutic writing. It has been a pretty draining week.
There are emotional lows I hit when I do not take care of myself. Logically, I know this. When my friends overdo it, I’m all over pointing out how a mom can’t care for her family if she isn’t caring for herself first. My head knows it, but I still fall into the rut of running myself into the ground. I look at my calendar, I look at my children, I say, “I got this! I can do all of this! It will take some careful planning and stuff, but bring it on!”
Then, like clockwork, I burn out.
Exhausting and empty Annie begins to do all those things she is able to control herself from doing when she is mentally refreshed – comparing herself to others, controlling her family, snapping on a short fuse from things that are otherwise a minor problem.
I know that when I eat right and take time to get enough sleep and stay physically active, and take care of me, I am a (more) patient, energetic and happy person. I know my limits and I have some of the most supportive friends and family around.
I almost feel like I am somehow abusing my blessings. Here I am, so very and utterly blessed and yet I cannot use my wisdom to set healthy boundaries and stick to them. You know that song on the musical Oklahoma by (aptly named) Ado Annie? “I’m just a girl that cain’t say no…” Yup. Hi, Annie. Me too.
I know I should. I think I can do it. Then I can’t.
I did this all the time in college – working 4 jobs with full time classes. I don’t have immaturity to blame anymore!
When I am overworked and stretched too thin, I am distracted where I am at. I love the quote above, it is such an amazing reminder. If I cannot be all there when I am with my children because I have work to do, then I need better boundaries. If I am not all there when I am at my computer and the children are with daddy – instead I am falling asleep or desiring a break so badly I zone out on Facebook – I need to change things.
I don’t believe I will ever find the magic balance. I do understand this is a struggle I will have my entire life. I can never just be. But I can certainly use my time wiser and schedule time for rest, time for prayer, time for exercise and time for healthy eating. I can focus on my health so my body functions best around my family and I can be ALL THERE.