I see her. Standing there, thin and fit, her clothes hang loose, her hair and make-up effortlessly beautiful. I smile and greet her, hoping my newly acquired excess weight isn’t noticeable in last year’s clothes. We are at preschool pick up, a blog conference, church, the coffee shop. Locations change, my mentality does not. The insecurity zombie begins to growl.
I am forever in 7th grade. I see pretty girls that know all the words to the popular songs and can dance without looking like an awkward flying monkey. I shuffle through life feeling like the eternal wannabe. My clothes almost fit. I almost made honor roll. I almost got that joke everyone is laughing at.
To have a friend you must be a friend
What does that even mean? How do you make and keep close friends – especially in the chaos of life? Nothing has changed in me since high school, save for how my passion and energies are focused on three tiny people now instead of only myself. But I am still that scared little blond girl, worried that I am bugging that girl if I invite myself to hang out and lonely in my room when I am not.
I am growing stronger, wiser, and yet I am still a tender hearted girl with a desire to be a friend to everyone that needs one. My insecurities awaken, like the undead out of the grave. I coach myself, I reach out, I listen, I give. I put those fears and anxieties to rest, for now.