Which kind of parent are you? I’ll save you some time – you are the worst and you suck. You know how I know? I read the internet. Seriously. Just browsing a Time magazine article or maybe one from Slate.com or pick a random mom blog. Yup, you suck. So do I. We all do.
Here are the worst kinds of parents that exist:
*Please note: if you do not speak sarcasm, the following list is sarcastic. It does not reflect actual opinions of this blog.
- The traveler – Wait, didn’t you just get back home? When do your kids even see you? Seriously, your job is to be a mom, not be going to a bazzilion and ten places.
- The at-home parent – I see you over there, all smug and thinking you are better than me. You complain about how difficult it is and then rejoice in all your “blessings.”
- The breastfeeder – Ok, you can feed your baby from your body, big deal. Just cover up, ok?
- The bottle feeder – Do you even know what kinds of chemicals you are feeding your baby? Ew.
- The private schooler – You are the worst. You think just because you spend half your income to send your kid to school you think it will be better for them. You are going to give them a complex.
- The smart phone addict – Put. The. Phone. Down. Look at your kids already!
- The mom blogger – You are so annoying. Using your poor kids for your 15 minutes of fame. Stop trying to sell me stuff already.
- The activity pusher – Just let your kids be kids! Do they have to be the best one? And how many activities are they going to do before they get exhausted?
- The lazy parent – Are you even trying? Oh I get it, “I let them learn on their own, from the consequences.” Way to not take responsibility.
- The free ranger – You let your kids walk how far alone? Who is the parent here, you or them?
- The religiously devout – Nothing is wrong with teaching your kids to believe in the same thing you do. But how much of a bubble are you going to make them live in and for how long? Cause um….there is a world out there.
- The homeschooler – You homeschool so your kids get the “best” education…right? But there is so much socialization they are missing out on!
- The unschooler – I don’t even know where to begin with this one. What exactly ARE they learning? Oh. Whatever THEY want.
- The public schooler – Do you even care what kind of kids they are around? And don’t get me started on testing.
- The anti-vaxer – You are putting the entire world at risk for polio! HOW DARE YOU
- The militant vegan – Enough already. I get it, I get it. I’m eating chemicals and we are all going to die of cancer.
- The athiest – What kind of morals are you teaching your kids if there is no god to judge them for their actions? Seriously.
- The rewarder – Way to bring up the next generation of spoiled, entitled brats.
- The spanker – ABUSER.
- The fast food mom – You don’t even care what your kids are eating, do you? Obesity, heart disease, these are in store for your kids.
- The mom with kids that throw fits – I am so glad my kids were taught store manners and have discipline.
- The social media over sharer – Do I really need to see that open wound? And why would you write about your baby’s poop? I mean, STOP.
- The Pinterest mom – Your house is most likely covered in glitter. Every holiday at school has intricate crafts created for it. You make my coffee mug full of chocolates for teacher’s gifts look like a gas station gift. Thanks.
- The helicopter mom – Let your child breath! And that science fair project? SO not made by Johnny.
- The volunteer addict – PTO, Bible Study, 4H, Room mom, and did you really just volunteer to be snack mom for your kids’ sports? Let someone else volunteer once in awhile.
- The judger – YOU know how to parent better than anyone. You comment on social media when you see someone doing it wrong. You write articles or posts condemning the “worst kinds” of parents. Grace, acceptance, forgiveness? Um, those are not in your vocabulary! The times you messed up don’t matter because they were learning experiences and you never make the same mistake twice.
Honestly, the worst kind of parent is the one that does not love and does not care. And the 2nd worst kind? Is the one that judges before they seek to understand or help. Moms and dads, this job is hard freaking work. We all make decisions for our families that someone else will turn their nose up to and probably write on the internet about. We all suck. Let’s get over it. MmmmKay?