I’m going to let you in on a few secrets. Well, a secret implies you shouldn’t tell, and that isn’t entirely accurate.
I guess I am just going to share a few things about myself that maybe you did not know.
And I hope you will reciprocate in the comments. You are my good friends, people I enjoy sharing with. And I would love to hear back from you.
I struggle with not feeling good enough
I know I am a wonderful mother and a supportive and loving wife. But there are moments throughout the day when the kids won’t nap and then get super cranky at 6pm, the house is messy that I feel like the day was a failure. I was a failure. Add pregnancy hormones to the mix and you have a cocktail that will bring tears to my eyes quicker than a Nicholas Sparks book. I am working on this. I find joy in the small victories throughout the day. The mountain of laundry is now a mere hamperful! I transferred the towels to the dryer before they started to mildew! Lizzie randomly snuggles with me on the couch and lightly kisses a bruise on my arm, making my owie all better. These treasures usually over shadow any self-worth issues, unless I chose to focus on my shortcomings. Which I must stop doing!
I shock myself with how capable I really am
I know my strengths. I’ve been told my entire life I am a writer and that is all I ever dreamed I would be. Ok, perhaps a well loved published author that had a calender full of speaking gigs too. Yes, I am a writer and it heals my soul when I write. But I have conquered some huge obstacles in my life I never thought I would! For example, I am able to be a mother that doesn’t lose her cool 90% of the time and I have a pretty happy home. For years I thought I could never be a mother, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle a child (let alone 3!) without yelling and screaming all of the time and giving them painful whoppins’. But here I am! The kids are clean and sleeping peacefully. Bedtime was not a screaming death match, it went amazingly smoothly. The house is only slightly junky with only a small bit of dishes in the sink.
I can work at any job and please the boss but put me as a stay at home mom and I am all kinds of confused. It doesn’t help that at a job there is an employee handbook you follow. Clear cut and precise. Being a mom you get advice from all ends of the parenting spectrum and worry that you will ruin your children for life and they won’t be “normal” like the other children at school (who have moms just as overwhelmed as you, they just fake it better).
But I am doing it and not failing! In fact I think my children are turning out very well.
Please tell me ~ do you struggle with these same things?
What victories have you overcome in your life you never thought possible?
Annie,
I struggle with feeling incapable and not feeling good enough. And, I’m not pregnant or have kids to add to the mix. Seeing you, Josh, and the kids helps me know that it is possible to raise great children-not because I didn’t think you could but because you are doing it well!!
Katie, thanks for this wonderful comment! It really encourages me to hear such kind words. Yes, life is so hard with kids but it has taught me what I can do that I never thought I could!
as i wipe the tears from my eyes. i read this and know now why you havn’t writtien your book yet. you are a very gifted writter and many many people will get extreem enjoyment from reading your writtings. i will buy up arms full of books at a time after your first book is pulilised. i can see me now with a shopping cart full of your books and standing in line at a local bookstore bragging “my daughter wrote this book” as i hand out books to everyone. Oh annie your mom is so very proud of you Now… you are a very very good mom and she knows how overcoming it can get to stay at home w/ young kids. This time will pass ohhh too soon and you will be at their high school graudation wondering where the time went so enjoy every moment with these wonderful and precious children.
With love
a Proud mother
With the emphasis in this society on jobs outside the home, and the fact that most of us have been in the working world and become accustomed to the payment for labor scenario, it is no wonder SAHMs struggle with this.
Dang that was a rambling sentence 😛
I too struggle daily. I only have 1 and am not pg. I worry about adding a 2nd child because some times I DO yell and I do give ‘whoppins’ on occasion. I am very proud of how my daughter acts most of the time though. She isn’t scared of us or anyone else, in fact she’s so outgoing that sometimes she wanders off behind other people like a puppy dog and I have to chase her down. She seems to share (well enough for only having a couple of play dates, if you can call them that), and hasn’t offered to hurt any of the other kids.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t matter in my crazy mind. I focus SO hard on the ‘bad’ that I do that I can’t see the good most of the time. I’m depressed VERY often about having to discipline my child, and although I know that she will grow to know what is wrong and right, it’s really hard right now seeing her cry because I yell at her not to do something (when I’d calmly warned her several times not to and she does it anyway). It makes me feel mean and bad the rest of the day.
Add that to ANYTHING else going wrong and it makes me want to just completely give up. On being a mother, on life. Yeah, it sucks. I eventually get over it, but it seems more and more these days–the more my child misbehaves — the worse I feel-she’s getting close to 2 so of course it’s worse. My husband doesn’t understand. He, however, has a wonderful job, me to take care of him, and a daughter who is thrilled to see him when he comes home. What do I have? Sometimes, it’s hard to see what GOOD I have. It all seems bad. My daughter never seems happy with me. Now is she? Sure she is. But it doesn’t seem like it. From the outside, we seem like the perfect family. From inside my head: I should really be put out of my misery.
My husband’s really ready for another child. I’m worried about my mental health sometimes. I mean, how can I deal with 2 if I can’t deal with 1 sometimes? However, I do best when I have a TON to do. Maybe I won’t have so much ‘down’ time to think and get ‘down’ on myself if I’m so busy? How’s that for a confession?
I am a lot like you Jill! I focus on the bad way too often and this drags me even further down. It is such a waste of time and when I catch myself doing it I force myself to stop. NOT EASY to do, but I can’t let it keep me depressed.
I was ready to go from 1 to 2 children, but I am having your same thoughts going from 2 to 3. Right now I have 2 arms and 2 kids – where will the third one sit? In a sling I bet! LOL
I love your comments. They are always to genuine and mean so much to me that you take the time to write it out.
Annie –
Your moms comment actually is the thing that made me cry. My mom also says “Its hard, but savor it, this too shall pass” & it does.. so fast. My oldest just started 1st grade yesterday, and it was yesterday she was cuddling w/ me on the couch. Now my youngest is my couch cuddler.
I often feel a rush of anxiety throughout the day because I feel like I havent completed everything I should/have to. I get bigger anxiety if my house isnt the way I like it. I just try to suck it up and do everything the best I can.
Anxiety can be crippling can’t it? But sucking it up is so totally the way to go! I am not as particular about my house as you are, but I do get stressed out if things don’t go the way I planned. I am a planner!
Oh I am right there with you with the struggles of being home and keeping a clean house. I just don’t let it bother me, I try to get as much as I can get done, but I do need time for myself, and my kids need me to play and nurse and cuddle and put to sleep. I know one day they won’t need me as much, and maybe I’ll clean like I should. Emphasis on maybe. Haha.
You are good enough! I doubt your husband would let you keep on popping out kids if you weren’t a good mother. 😉 I know how great it is though to write it out, have other people read it and get some feedback! Makes it less crazy when you think that there are other people in your situation. 🙂
This had me laughing Alison! Thanks for the encouraging words! You are right, it definitely makes me feel a lot less crazy knowing others feel the same way.
I’m not as good as Greg with making people laugh but I try. 😉
Right now, I struggle with the balance of work and home…trying to do good and work and be a good mom is tough.
Yes, and your job is one that comes home with you. I can’t imagine doing all that and being a wonderful blogger too. You have dedication my friend! I admire that 🙂
Wow..what a heartfelt post…I struggle the same as you Annie, except that I do have to work outside the house. So on top of all the other “I’m not good enough” feelings, I also have the guilt feelings that I am not always there for my child.
Thank you for such a wonderful post.
Awesome post girl! I often feel like I’m not good enough, especially in the area of my job (because I have been just a mommy for so long) but then I remember that I can do all things through Christ and I stop worrying about it!