I am joining Fadra with her Streaming of Consciousness Sunday post! Basically, you write for 5 minutes straight about whatever is on your heart at that moment. So I did. And I linked up over at her blog. Enjoy my crazy-midnight thoughts 🙂
My life pretty much rocks. I don’t know why I even complain. And I hate how much I raise my voice at my kids. I am scared to freaking death that I will ruin any possibility of a relationship with my daughters. I don’t yell at the baby, mind you, but my 4 year old daughter is another story completely. She gets on my nerves though. I will tell her over and over again to not pull Lucy down when she is sitting and yet she always does. This makes Lucy cry and me get irate.
Why do I lose my temper like this? How come I can’t always be patient, kind and empathetic? I am just so frustrated with her lack of listening to me. Just do what I say!
I love her, oh so much. I dream of having a close relationship with her and I hope that someday that will be a reality. I am constantly working on seeing the world through her eyes. And it overwhelms me with guilt every time I scream or show my annoyance.
She is going through so many changes, and it is stressing us both out. New bed, new school, and now ballet. Ugh. Too much all at once. But she is strong, she can get through this. I hope I don’t ruin my kids. That is my biggest fear. That somehow some way, I will do something to ruin them.
Isn’t that every mother’s worst fear?