Yesterday was a kinda rough day. I’ve had way worse, and kept focusing on my blessings, but my mind just wasn’t able to focus and accomplish a ton. I didn’t eat right or drink enough water…so that helped out my wonkiness. Go me.
What always helps me feel better about myself is a good workout. Get my heart rate up, release those endorphins, work out my muscles and feel the burn! My favorite class of all is Body Pump. I always leave feeling like a strong rock star.
But my gym replaced Body Pump today with “Intensity.” But they really should have renamed it “Insanity leading to sudden death” because I was picking out my grave stone about 1/4 of the way through. This class played mind tricks on me. It killed my arms, made my legs scream in agony and I could barely breath. Let me take you through it.
We started out running 4 laps (1/10th of a mile). Ok, no biggie. But that was just the warm up. And everyone was faster than me. Start mind games.
Then, we had to do the most embarassing thing (for me) and most exhausting. Running, then lunging, then jumping over 4 different height-levels of stair-steps. Everyone else had the rhythm, everyone else had the speed. I could barely jump over it and could not do the lunges, I kept falling and tripping over my feet. By the end, I could barely lift my legs.
Next, instructor wanted to celebrate her 35th birthday by inflicting serious torture on her students. I think she evil. She had a list of body weight workouts we were supposed to do 35 times each. Here is the list.
Burpees, toe push ups, full sit ups, tri cep dips, tuck jumps, and walking plank. There might have been one more but I cannot recall the name. Cause I skipped it. Everyone else was insanely ahead of me and if I didn’t want to get left there doing reps while they moved on, I had to skip a few exercises.
This is the part where I cried.
My last activity was the tri cep dip. By this time my arms were shaking and starting to cramp. I was going so very slow and watched as everyone else seemed to effortlessly glide to the next one. I couldn’t physically do it. And mentally, I couldn’t stand being the “out of shape loser.” Seriously – I cannot do 35 push ups!
I left the classroom, went to the locker room and cried. Tears of exhaustion, of mental anguish. Of just “oh my gosh, this is so freaking hard!” After a good cry, I washed my face. I let my heart rate slow down, and I went back in there.
She had the class carry a step aerobics step over our head like a canoe for 4 laps. I started out strong. By lap 2, my arms were shaking. I had to let it go for a half a lap. But I did finish. With quivering arms and a red, concentrated face, I finished.
And tonight I am nursing some hellacious shin splints.
What was it about this class that killed my love of working out?
A number of things – lack of water, lack of food, lack of stretching, and being mentally unprepared for the physical requirements.
I am going to eat right, drink a ton more water, stretch, and get better shoes. Then I am going back there. To face my fears. I have heard people say, “you feel that shaking, burning, the pain? It is your body changing.” Well, not only is my body going to change, but so will my mind. This is one time I will not let myself give up.
___
To follow my journey as I get stronger (and leaner), follow my fitness posts, my @mamadweeb2 instagram, and definitely like MamaDweeb on Facebook, I chat there a LOT about my fitness struggles and successes!
I’ve cried in the locker room after swim workouts on multiple occasions, usually because I feel like I stink, I’m slow and I’ll never be able to swim well in a race. I’m glad you’re ready to try again, you’ll see improvements next time. Do your best and forget the rest! Go get it!
Thank you Michele! I am sooooo glad I am not the only one. You know, you hear “everyone starts somewhere” but I believed my whole life I wasn’t an athlete. That is a huge mental hurdle to overcome and I am going to kill it.
There is another class this morning, but I have GOT to do something lower impact this morning. I am sooooo sore today. And I need better shoes 🙂
I know how you feel! Sometimes my eyes well up in Crossfit because I always feel I am the weakest most uncoordinated person there. I just have to constantly remind myself that this isn’t a competition against anyone but myself!! If I keep at it, I’ll get better and stronger! Thanks for the post. It’s a nice reminder that we all have our insecurities at times!
LOVE this ->”this isn’t a competition against anyone but myself.” I have to remind myself of that too!! If I can improve myself, then I am WINNING. Period. Thank you so much!
HUGS HUGS HUGS!!
I have so been there. I remember crying during a track workout in highschool because I just couldn’t physically do what the coach was asking me to do (or so I felt). It is such a hard feeling.
I agree that it is all about your mental mindset at the time of the work out: hydration, nutrition and even what is going on around you. HUGS!!
I hope that you try that class/workout again and you KILL IT! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story with me, Rachel. I will DEFINITELY keep at this. You know, this is the first time in my life I have a goal in mind that I actually feel like I can’t do but want to do it anyways. I have never done what I thought I couldn’t do. That will all change!!!
I cried after a TKD class b4….it happens…we have our days! Don’t give up … go back and rock it! 🙂
Had a flashback reading this. I was 14 and in Jr. Hi. PE class. Yikes!
We all have those days, Annie. It says a lot about your strength that you keep going after a bad day!
I think it happens to the best of us. I try not to look in the mirror during Zumba because everyone else looks so much better at it than me. But you’re going back and you’re making yourself healthier. That’s awesome.
Body Pump is HARD. I’ve tried it a few times at my gym and I am always sore for a good week afterwards. I’ll stick to zumba.
I feel for you! Exercise is not one of my favorite activities. You are to be commended for attempting these tough exercises. The payoff will be worth it!
Ah, reading this was like going back to my gym classes all over again! I admire you for going back in the gym after your break-down and I am sure once you do it more often you will laugh at this day! I prefer Zumba classes and I do them at least 3 times a week. If you never tried – I highly recommend. I love dancing and burning calories at the same time. I ll keep my fingers crossed for your next work-out with the pure evil trainer! )
I have totally been there and I’m sorry you had to have an experience like that. You’re going to rock this next workout!