Yesterday was a kinda rough day. I’ve had way worse, and kept focusing on my blessings, but my mind just wasn’t able to focus and accomplish a ton. I didn’t eat right or drink enough water…so that helped out my wonkiness. Go me.
What always helps me feel better about myself is a good workout. Get my heart rate up, release those endorphins, work out my muscles and feel the burn! My favorite class of all is Body Pump. I always leave feeling like a strong rock star.
But my gym replaced Body Pump today with “Intensity.” But they really should have renamed it “Insanity leading to sudden death” because I was picking out my grave stone about 1/4 of the way through. This class played mind tricks on me. It killed my arms, made my legs scream in agony and I could barely breath. Let me take you through it.
We started out running 4 laps (1/10th of a mile). Ok, no biggie. But that was just the warm up. And everyone was faster than me. Start mind games.
Then, we had to do the most embarassing thing (for me) and most exhausting. Running, then lunging, then jumping over 4 different height-levels of stair-steps. Everyone else had the rhythm, everyone else had the speed. I could barely jump over it and could not do the lunges, I kept falling and tripping over my feet. By the end, I could barely lift my legs.
Next, instructor wanted to celebrate her 35th birthday by inflicting serious torture on her students. I think she evil. She had a list of body weight workouts we were supposed to do 35 times each. Here is the list.
Burpees, toe push ups, full sit ups, tri cep dips, tuck jumps, and walking plank. There might have been one more but I cannot recall the name. Cause I skipped it. Everyone else was insanely ahead of me and if I didn’t want to get left there doing reps while they moved on, I had to skip a few exercises.
This is the part where I cried.
My last activity was the tri cep dip. By this time my arms were shaking and starting to cramp. I was going so very slow and watched as everyone else seemed to effortlessly glide to the next one. I couldn’t physically do it. And mentally, I couldn’t stand being the “out of shape loser.” Seriously – I cannot do 35 push ups!
I left the classroom, went to the locker room and cried. Tears of exhaustion, of mental anguish. Of just “oh my gosh, this is so freaking hard!” After a good cry, I washed my face. I let my heart rate slow down, and I went back in there.
She had the class carry a step aerobics step over our head like a canoe for 4 laps. I started out strong. By lap 2, my arms were shaking. I had to let it go for a half a lap. But I did finish. With quivering arms and a red, concentrated face, I finished.
And tonight I am nursing some hellacious shin splints.
What was it about this class that killed my love of working out?
A number of things – lack of water, lack of food, lack of stretching, and being mentally unprepared for the physical requirements.
I am going to eat right, drink a ton more water, stretch, and get better shoes. Then I am going back there. To face my fears. I have heard people say, “you feel that shaking, burning, the pain? It is your body changing.” Well, not only is my body going to change, but so will my mind. This is one time I will not let myself give up.
To follow my journey as I get stronger (and leaner), follow my fitness posts, my @mamadweeb2 instagram, and definitely like MamaDweeb on Facebook, I chat there a LOT about my fitness struggles and successes!